This Pythonic Human Stupidity Interface (PHSI) is intended only for newborns in HalfTruth.ModernHistory and focuses on instances of Religion which have a guilt method defined.
The guilt method is considered to be a primitive form of both the praise and pray methods. It is in fact the primary accessor for the so called Faith routines. As such, it is considered more pythonic to call the guilt method rather than employ any other Faith method directly. You *will* encounter errors if you try to access these methods directly from your script. You have been warned! A list of categorized Faith methods is beyond the scope of this article. Documentation on the Religion package is mostly outdated.
The only real mutator is the __init__ method. It is considered more pythonic to create a new object with a new religion rather than change the religion manually. When this happens, the object is said to have been “reborn”. Other methods in the Religion class are called partial mutators because they change the behavior of the instance. Methods like baptism, circumcision, confirmation, bar_mitzvah, shinbyu, and others from the so called Rites of Passage (RoP) routines are invoked by the natural forces surrounding the object. After these methods are invoked, the object *might* have more memory or more processing time. It might also have been left intact. In that case, one might try to invoke the guilt method in order to debug the Faith routines. Debugging the RoP routines at a machine language level *will* result in a SegFault followed by being banned from the debugger. You have been warned. A list of categorized RoP routines is out of the scope of this article. Documentation on the Hipocrisy package is localized. Verify that the object’s locale is set before attempting to access any RoP routine.
Any validation method on an AverageJoe instance can be overwritten by an authority (Bilderberg Group, Congress, etc.) or the instance itself.
In theory, the AverageJoe class is compatible with the AverageJean class but this is neither documented nor thoroughly tested. Use the AverageJean class whenever the PHSI fails to achieve the desired results regardless of the object’s sex or gender.
Modifying any class in package Hipocrisy should be possible but requires a long lost C++ compiler. Some documentation has been kept in the package HalfTruth but it’s mostly outdated and misleading.
import tempfile
import random
from collections import deque
from Hipocrisy import Religion, Press, Charity
from HalfTruth import ModernHistory
class AverageJoe:
def __init__(self, new_religion=None, truth=None, charity=None):
self.validate_religion(new_religion)
self.truth = None
self.charity = None
def validate_religion(self, new_religion):
# If a religion has no guilt, it is considered to be
# invalid by the authorities. If a religion is not set or
# you are calling validate_religion for the first time,
# self.religion will be set without validating the entry
# first. All religions are accepted. Not all are valid. If
# you feel free and inspired and you have no reason to
# feel guilt, you will be banned from all other methods.
# In that case, you *must* override all methods in this
# class if you wish to live life to the fullest.
## This process is known as "growing a conscience".
try:
if hasattr(self.religion, 'guilt'):
self.religion.guilt()
return True
else:
# new_religion not valid: no guilt.
return False
except AttributeError:
self.religion = Religion(new_religion)
def validate_news(self, news_article):
# Forget older 'truth' before learning new one.
# The size of self.truth is inversely proportional
# to the magnitude of self.religion.guilt().
# This magnitude is measured by the times the
# guilt method is invoked. The truth is practical and
# *has* to be updated to reflect the date and time.
# As such, no truth comes from *any* source other
# than the Press.
if isinstance(news_article.getSource(), Press):
self.truth = deque(self.truth)
self.truth.popleft()
self.truth.append(news_article)
self.truth = list(self.truth)
self.validate_charity()
def validate_charity(self):
if self.validate_religion(self.religion):
for news in self.truth:
if news.getMagnitude() == Press.CATASTROPHE:
# If there's a catastrophe somewhere, invoke
# guilt and send clothing, food, etc. via mail.
# You can go back to being yourself afterwards.
# You need to override this method in order to
# get more involved with your surroundings.
self.religion.guilt()
self.charity = Charity(news.getRecipient())
elif news.getMagnitude() == Press.WAR:
# Invoke fear. If fear can not be invoked (ie.
# you are a part of the war) invoke guilt.
try:
self.religion.fear()
except AttributeError:
self.religion.guilt()
elif news.getMagnitude() == Press.SENSATIONALIST:
# If the news has a religious implication,
# invoke guilt. Otherwise, waste resources.
if self.religion.hasImplications(news):
self.religion.guilt()
else:
self.gossip()
elif news.getMagnitude() == Press.SOCIAL:
# Waste resources.
self.gossip()
elif news.getMagnitude() == Press.POLITICS:
# The only truth and nothing but the truth.
# Forget everything else.
new_truth = news
set_truth_flag = True
elif news.getMagnitude() == Press.ART_AND_CULTURE:
# Do nothing.
pass
else:
# If all else fails, invoke Faith.
self.religion.guilt()
if set_truth_flag:
# If a news article was about politics, forget
# everything else. This is the new truth.
self.truth = [new_truth]
def gossip(self):
# Randomly choose a subject to waste resources
# with. Speculating about miracles and other
# non-specific information is considered gossip.
# All gossip files are useless and persistent. Use
# this method wisely!
f = tempfile.NamedTemporaryFile(delete=False)
if self.validate_religion(self.religion):
if hasattr(self.religion, 'God'):
f.write(self.religion.God())
else:
f.write(self.religion.HigherPower())
else:
f.write(random.choice(self.truth))
if __name__ == "__main__":
obj = {}
while True:
for newborn in ModernHistory:
obj[newborn] = AverageJoe(newborn.parent.religion,
newborn.parent.truth,
newborn.parent.charity)
## If you're a member of the Bilderberg Group,
## insert your brainwash code here.
